What do you really want?
Have you lost touch with who you are or what you truly want to be? Maybe you never knew. Or perhaps you think you know but can’t seem to experience it yet.
Many people make assumptions about what they need to be happy, but assumptions don’t always reflect reality. These false beliefs can keep you trapped in a life where you feel unfulfilled or dissatisfied.
So, how do you uncover what you truly want?
Know Who You Are
To understand what you want, you first need to understand who you are. Your identity is shaped by eliminating external influences that don’t serve your true self.
From family expectations to societal systems, we all grow up as products of genetics and our environments. Toxic influences can derail us from becoming our authentic selves. Even if we manage to find our true selves, we may struggle to fully embrace or enjoy it.
The key to understanding who you are lies in intentional self-discovery. Here’s how to get started:
Step 1: Identify External Influences
Take time to reflect on the external factors that have shaped your beliefs, values, and desires. Ask yourself:
- What expectations did my family, friends, culture, religion, politics, science, philosophies, commercial brands, or societal narratives placed on me?
- Are my current goals aligned with what I truly want, or are they based on others’ opinions of what’s best for me?
Tip: Write down key moments or decisions in your life. Highlight the ones driven by external pressures versus those that felt authentic. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward clarity.
By questioning the values and beliefs you grew up with, you will be surprised of how much of what we were taught were lies that influenced our lives in ways that we don’t really want.
Step 2: Reconnect With Joy
What you truly want is often tied to what brings you genuine happiness. Reflect on:
- When was the last time I felt truly alive and fulfilled?
- What activities or experiences make me lose track of time?
Example: If you feel happiest when creating art, even if it’s something you’ve been neglecting, this may point to a deep desire for self-expression or creativity.
Tip: Revisit hobbies or interests you loved as a child. Childhood passions often reveal truths about what you naturally gravitate toward before societal expectations took hold.
Step 3: Experiment Without Fear
Sometimes, the only way to discover what you want is to try new things. Whether it’s a new career, hobby, or even a change of scenery, experimentation can help you gain clarity.
Tip: Approach these experiments with curiosity, not perfectionism. Each attempt is a learning experience.
Example: If you’re considering starting a business but feel uncertain, start small. Launch a side project or attend a workshop to test the waters.
Important: Your intuition is key in making the right decisions. However, intuition can often be clouded by toxic influences, such as family pressures or narratives from societal systems like religion, politics, or other ideologies. By liberating yourself from those influences, you will become able to listen and follow the guidance of your intuition toward the realization of your dreams.
Step 4: Practice Self-Awareness
Your desires can get lost in the noise of distractions and external expectations. Practicing self-awareness can help you tune into your inner voice.
Tip: Use techniques like meditation, journaling, or long walks in nature to reflect on:
- What do I love doing?
- What drains my energy?
- If I had no fear, what would I pursue?
Example: Journaling for just 10 minutes a day about what made you happy or frustrated can help uncover patterns in your desires and dislikes.
Step 5: Define Your Core Values
Knowing your values is critical to understanding what you truly want. Your values serve as guiding principles, making your life feel meaningful and purposeful.
Tip: List 10 things you value most—like freedom, creativity, connection, or stability. Narrow the list down to your top three and align your goals with these values.
Example: If “freedom” is one of your core values, a traditional 9-to-5 job may not be satisfying. You might thrive in freelance work or entrepreneurial ventures instead.
Step 6: Seek Support and Feedback
Sometimes, talking to trusted friends, mentors, or therapists can provide the clarity you need. They can offer an outside perspective and help you recognize blind spots.
Tip: Share your thoughts and desires with someone who understands you. They might see strengths or passions you’ve overlooked.
Final Thought: Embrace the Journey
Discovering what you want is not a lifelong journey. Your desires and aspirations will evolve over time, and while this takes patience, your determination can accelerate the journey. Eventually, you will reach a point where your dreams feel tangible and ready to be fully embraced.
By shedding external pressures, reconnecting with what truly brings you joy, and taking small, intentional steps forward, you can create a life that reflects your authentic self.
Remember, the path to self-discovery is as much about the process as the destination. Stay open, stay kind to yourself, and embrace the journey ahead.